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Guest Post: A Dog's Life
My humans sometimes say that I have a hard life and they are quite right, even though I think that they don't really mean it when they say so. I thought that I would tell you about how hard my life is, so that you all know about it. My humans helped me with some of the words, but only a little bit because I am a very smart dog.
My humans never feed me enough, and when they do they don't give me their food, which is much nicer than my food. That is very bad, and means that I am always hungry. Luckily, I'm a smart dog and sometimes when they leave food on the table I can eat it. They never seem to notice, as long as I do it when they aren't looking.
They also don't let me have the corner of the sofa when they're both sitting on it. This is very mean, because the corners are the best bits. I have to go in the middle, and that's not as good, or go on the other sofa, which is a long way from the humans and makes it hard to cuddle them.
Sometimes one or both of the humans goes away for ages and ages. I don't like it when that happens, because the pack is supposed to stay together. How can I look after them if they aren't here? Plus, it makes me worry that no one will feed me, particularly when the female human is the one that goes away.
The female human has been behaving strangely for a few days. She spends lots of time looking at the big screen on the wall, instead of the little screen in her hand, and pressing buttons on a thing. She says that this is a game, but I don't think that she is right because a game is what we all play together in the field, when the humans throw my toys and I run and catch them and get given sweeties. She is very boring when she plays her game, and forgets to cuddle me.
Yesterday, instead of going for our normal walk, we went in the car. I don't like going in the car, because once I went in a car and a bad thing happened. That was when I was in a pack with some different humans, but I still don't like to go in the car. Half way through our walk, the humans stopped and looked at some trees, but they didn't seem to be very happy about the trees and said that people would be sad at Christmas. I think Christmas is when lots of people come to join in our pack for a few days. I like Christmas because the people cuddle me, and there is nice food that they give me bits of.
Today, we went in the car again, which was very bad. The humans looked at even more trees, and said that they were much better than the trees from yesterday. Then they stopped and stood there for ages, pulling things off the trees and putting them in bags. I thought that the things might be food, but when I tried to eat one it tasted bad and was very hard. After that I had a nice roll, but then I was very bored. Eventually, the humans said it was time to go, but they only went a little way and then they started to pull more things off trees. They kept doing that. It was very boring. Humans are weird. Then it rained lots and lots and lots, and I went and hid inside the trees because I didn't have my raincoat on, and then when it stopped raining the humans said it was finally time to go back to the car but wouldn't run all the way, which meant I had to go very slowly.
On the way back to the car, we met an evil dog. I wanted to kill it, but my humans wouldn't let me. Instead, they made me go past it and then sit and wait until it had gone away. They did give me food, though, so it wasn't too bad. I'd still have rather killed the evil dog, but they never let me do that.
Then we went home in the car, but we stopped at the field. The horses are mean and won't play chase with me, but my human found me a stick, so I chewed that for a bit. The humans were going around the field collecting all the horse poo. I'm not sure why they do that, but I always help by eating the tasty bits. Then I had to stand and wait while they put all the poo into big bags. They do this all the time, and sometimes the bags go away. I hope that they aren't collecting it to give to another dog to eat. That would be bad.
That is what I did today, and I think you will all agree that I do have a very hard life. Now I'm going to cuddle my human on the sofa and try to go to sleep, so that I forget about how very very hungry I am.
My humans never feed me enough, and when they do they don't give me their food, which is much nicer than my food. That is very bad, and means that I am always hungry. Luckily, I'm a smart dog and sometimes when they leave food on the table I can eat it. They never seem to notice, as long as I do it when they aren't looking.
They also don't let me have the corner of the sofa when they're both sitting on it. This is very mean, because the corners are the best bits. I have to go in the middle, and that's not as good, or go on the other sofa, which is a long way from the humans and makes it hard to cuddle them.
Sometimes one or both of the humans goes away for ages and ages. I don't like it when that happens, because the pack is supposed to stay together. How can I look after them if they aren't here? Plus, it makes me worry that no one will feed me, particularly when the female human is the one that goes away.
The female human has been behaving strangely for a few days. She spends lots of time looking at the big screen on the wall, instead of the little screen in her hand, and pressing buttons on a thing. She says that this is a game, but I don't think that she is right because a game is what we all play together in the field, when the humans throw my toys and I run and catch them and get given sweeties. She is very boring when she plays her game, and forgets to cuddle me.
Yesterday, instead of going for our normal walk, we went in the car. I don't like going in the car, because once I went in a car and a bad thing happened. That was when I was in a pack with some different humans, but I still don't like to go in the car. Half way through our walk, the humans stopped and looked at some trees, but they didn't seem to be very happy about the trees and said that people would be sad at Christmas. I think Christmas is when lots of people come to join in our pack for a few days. I like Christmas because the people cuddle me, and there is nice food that they give me bits of.
Today, we went in the car again, which was very bad. The humans looked at even more trees, and said that they were much better than the trees from yesterday. Then they stopped and stood there for ages, pulling things off the trees and putting them in bags. I thought that the things might be food, but when I tried to eat one it tasted bad and was very hard. After that I had a nice roll, but then I was very bored. Eventually, the humans said it was time to go, but they only went a little way and then they started to pull more things off trees. They kept doing that. It was very boring. Humans are weird. Then it rained lots and lots and lots, and I went and hid inside the trees because I didn't have my raincoat on, and then when it stopped raining the humans said it was finally time to go back to the car but wouldn't run all the way, which meant I had to go very slowly.
On the way back to the car, we met an evil dog. I wanted to kill it, but my humans wouldn't let me. Instead, they made me go past it and then sit and wait until it had gone away. They did give me food, though, so it wasn't too bad. I'd still have rather killed the evil dog, but they never let me do that.
Then we went home in the car, but we stopped at the field. The horses are mean and won't play chase with me, but my human found me a stick, so I chewed that for a bit. The humans were going around the field collecting all the horse poo. I'm not sure why they do that, but I always help by eating the tasty bits. Then I had to stand and wait while they put all the poo into big bags. They do this all the time, and sometimes the bags go away. I hope that they aren't collecting it to give to another dog to eat. That would be bad.
That is what I did today, and I think you will all agree that I do have a very hard life. Now I'm going to cuddle my human on the sofa and try to go to sleep, so that I forget about how very very hungry I am.
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